All aboard The Happiness Roller Coaster...

*“The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story!” –Gladiator
       
       Over the past few days I’ve noticed that I am a very unhappy person. Like this quote from one of my favorite films, Gladiator, I found myself being on top of the world in one moment and in the next I’m as low as a slave. The root of my unhappiness, unfortunately, comes from my family. They don’t directly make me unhappy, but it’s more of what they expect from me that just plain stresses me out and causes my unhappiness. I identify myself in a song by Pink Floyd called Mother where it says,

“Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm”

       In essence the song is about a mother who because of losing her husband in a war becomes overly protective of her only son. I feel like the child in the song because my mother is always setting higher and higher expectations for me that I wish I could just escape. My brothers for the most part are screw ups which is probably why she wants me to succeed so much. I figure that in a way she’s showing her maternalistic side by trying to keep me safe and out of trouble, but I feel that in order to fully develop as productive individuals we need to face danger and stare it straight in the face as it helps us to develop character and individualism. So basically the fact that I’m so restricted by my family is what makes me unhappy. My direction for the coming days will probably be to separate myself from my family and the expectations they hold for me, at least briefly, I want to indulge in what I like to do, things that I haven’t had time to practice. Basically I want to spend time with myself, solace of solitude… 

       Through my unhappiness I found that there are few things that induce happiness for me. I'm a very introvertive person and so being in my own company makes me happy. Another thing that I noticed that makes me happy is shopping, -what a fruit...- it's really a bittersweet thing because while I love to shop I hate spending money, partly because I have so little of it and I hate asking my parents for it but also because I'm just a plain cheapskate. My mom makes this aware every time we go out to buy stuff and I always joke around that my kids are going to suffer because they're only going to have the bare essentials, maybe even less. That's another thing that makes me happy, comedy. Who doesn't at least appreciate comedy? I love watching T.V shows and movies because I always get a good laugh out of them and I involve myself so much that I forget about the world for those forty minutes. I guess my plan is really to find more time for myself.

*anadiplosis