Success...?

       Over the past week my attempts at being a happier person were met with mostly success. This surprised me quite a bit because even though they were for the most part small adjustments they really did seem to make a difference. I hope to carry on the majority of those changes if not all because if they don't necessarily make me a happier person they can help in other ways. Some of my expectations were met with this project, one example would probably be that I knew that some of these changes were going to be hard to carry through, and another was that I was going to have a hard time doing some due to time constraints. Overall I'm glad I at least gave each idea a try because it allows me to see a bit beyond and I was able to get a gage on what works for me and what I would much rather leave as is.

                              

       Truthfully I don't mind these type of things up to the point where I feel forced to do what I'm told, with this project however I was given a bit more freedom and was allowed to choose my own methods, which was great. This project also showed me that people are more prone to approach someone who is more outwardly happy as opposed to someone who is expressing little to no emotions.

Fake It 'Till You Make It...

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.”― Adolf Hitler

       Another thing I took notice to and wanted to try from Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project was her idea of acting the way you want to feel. So for this is was pretty straight forward, I would put a smile on my face even when I felt like the total opposite on the inside. 

       This idea made me uncomfortable, I felt fake and really I felt worse when I was approached by someone who had to the notion that I was in a good mood. *This made me feel like the terminator when he was told to smile, it was just a big no in my book. I think my parents monitor our behavior in order to determine the amount of chores they can dish out to us before we loose it. With my awkward smile on I virtually got the chance to clean our whole house... yay.
                                              
      This is probably one of those things that I will not try again as it ended up doing more harm than good. Throughout the day I found myself saying comforting things like, **"No worries, it's all well and good...", but in the back of my head I knew the truth. This ***could possibly work under different circumstances where I am the one in power and not someone like my parents that would just further hamper my mood.

*Allusion
**Tautology
***Tautology?

Drowning out the world...

      “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” 
― John Lennon

      *Where would I be without my music? My headphones are the key to my happiness. They transmit the beautiful music that fills my head and takes me away to my special place. Sure I can use my phone's speakers, but they're not capable of drowning out the sounds of this horrid world that we live in. With my headphones I can only hear myself and the music that I play. 

                                           

     * Music has got to be man's greatest invention. So to take advantage of this I decided that if I'm not gonna talk to people I might as well listen to some tunes. I did notice that I was a bit more happy and less stressed because of the outside world being blocked out. Instead of worrying about what I was going to say to someone, I was just concerned about what the song was trying to tell me. I did this for a couple days now and feel like it's well worth ignoring the people that try to talk to with my headphones in, even though I feel horrible, they're most likely conversations that will just end in an uneasy silence anyway. This is probably one of those things that I would like to incorporate into my daily life. Music is one of the few things that just helps clear my mind even if its just for a couple of minutes at a time. It helps me to reflect upon myself and just plain brings joy to my life.
                                           

*Hyperbole
*Rhetorical Quest.?

Introvertive... woo \(. .)/

“Matthew, much to his own surprise, was enjoying himself. Like most quiet folks he liked talkative people when they were willing to do the talking themselves and did not expect him to keep up his end of it.” 
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

       One of my major flaws as a person, in my opinion, is that I'm very introvertive. I like to talk, but I lack the ability to formulate conversion. If I want to talk to someone they'd have to initiate the conversation. *I wont bring up the countless relationships that I've failed to maintain because of the lack of communication because they're insignificant now. When in a conversation, that has miraculously spurred up, I sometimes don't know what to say but I recognize the cues that indicate that it's my turn to speak but all I can come up with is something along the lines of, "yeah" while bobbing my head up and down. So I figured why not try to initiate conversations and see where they take me. I know what most people like because I'm usually the one being talked to, so I went ahead and started to talk to people in the hopes that by doing this I would get a happiness high out of it. 
                                      

       Turns out it had a worse affect on me. When I initiated the conversations the responsibility of nurturing the conversation fell upon my shoulders, and I cracked under pressure. I think this is just one of those things that I'd rather leave as it is, and hope that it doesn't get worse. In the time leading up to making conversations with people, I felt sudden bursts of anxiety which is never good. Although with some people it's a heck of a lot easier to start a conversation with, there's some that I just choke up and wish for it to all be over soon which was probably the worst part of this experiment.

       So in the end this is just a failed attempt at finding happiness by branching out more, maybe one day I will try again when I find more confidence. I guess this could also be put under a long term goal because socializing is going to be a big part of my life in the future when I find myself in more real world situations, like holding a job and having to talk in a meeting.

*Apophasis

Diving into a good book

     “First, let no one rule your mind or body. Take special care that your thoughts remain unfettered... . Give men your ear, but not your heart. Show respect for those in power, but don't follow them blindly. Judge with logic and reason, but comment not. Consider none your superior whatever their rank or station in life. Treat all fairly, or they will seek revenge. Be careful with your money. Hold fast to your beliefs and others will listen.” 
― Christopher Paolini, Eragon

       Something else that I've really fallen out of doing is reading for pleasure. I found a bunch of my old books that I remember loving so much so I decided to give them another look through as part of this project. I remember reading avidly, at times it was to earn enough for a personal pan pizza at pizza hut, don't know if you heard about that little program, but truthfully I love to read. One of the books that I found was Eragon by Christopher Paolini. I remember having read it because someone wanted to have a friendly competition on who could read it faster. At first I thought it was going to be a horrible experience but I went through with it to prove a point. In the end however, I remember I loved the book and I purchased the following two books after it, Eldest & Brisingr. I also remember dragging my dad to the cinema to watch the movie with high hopes, they *fudged it up however so that was a big upset for me.

       I now have made a promise myself to read more and because there is also a new book in the series I've placed an order for it so that I can try to keep that promise because as I was reading I noticed that I was going to a separate place, my own little xanadu which made me feel a sense of happiness. This like most of my other small adjustments in life seems to be time consuming but I figure that I will read on the car rides, maybe even before bed instead of staring at my cell phone's screen. Reading has been shown to increase an individuals vocabulary so in a sense this is a no-brainer, I must read.

*Euphemism 

Praise Lord Gaben...

       Just like the majority of all teens, I love video games. Recently I've been getting into more of the PC scene. Specifically games like Garry's mod, Half-life and Minecraft, which you might have heard of but I wont bore you with the details. What really matters is that I took the time out of my day to play with my friends, something I haven't been able to do in a very long time. My account said I hadn't logged in in over 6 months, so yeah... I spent half a day on the computer which probably wasn't good for my already deteriorating eyes but it was well worth it. Overall though, I had lots of fun catching up with my past and present friends. This is definitely something that I'd like to do regularly as time permits because video games have been something rare lately with school being so pressing and time consuming.

                                             

     

I also spent a large part of my time playing individually immersing myself in the virtual world that I've created where I can do what I want, when I want without having to care what the repercussions of my actions would be.

       In case you're wondering who Gaben is he's *Gaben Newell, co-founder of valve, responsible for the constant sales that are available for the majority of the PC games. He's probably the reason that I can afford to actually play the games I do. Like I said before this is something that I'd love to do regularly but with caution as it puts a strain on my eyes and because there's far more important things than playing games.

*Appositive

*Relaxing work...

       Now that I was out of **bread there really wasn't much else to do but go out and make a living. One thing that I like to do, surprisingly, is manual labor. Not real extreme labor but stuff like raking leaves, shoveling snow, and cleaning gutters. So that's what I did for a day, or tried to. Not many people want their precious work to be done for them so it was kind of hard for me to find a place where they would accept my services. I tried to target places where I knew the elderly lived, I charged a more than fair price for them and usually got hired. I raked about 6 medium sized lawns and cleaned gutters from 3 houses. All in all it was good, and now I know that I live near some pretty great characters. Sadly though I didn't earn much, especially after buying everyone pizza because I thought I was Mr.HotShot rolling in the mula.

                     
   
       I think what makes me happy is how mechanical all this work is, there's a rhythm to it and being all alone, just me and my music, makes it all a bit better. Despite it being cold out, even though I bundled up, I still liked being out there doing a service to the community, although I did feel a bit bad when I charged them because I hate accepting money for simple tasks like raking leaves, but since they insisted... I think this is one thing that I'm going to continue to do, it helps me with the money, although small, and it serves as a relief of all the bad energy that I have built up.

*Oxymoron?
**Synecdoche

Change of Diet...

         

      * After reading the first chapter of Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, I decided to change my diet a bit. Usually I eat anything within arms reach which typically isn't the best thing to be eating. My family is big on junk food, we have cookies in just about every cabinet, even the silverware drawer. My parents and a few others have brought up that I'm beginning to gain a bit of weight, I've noticed too but didn't give it much thought as I figured it wasn't at that point just yet. Recently however, I figured why not nip it in the butt while it's easier. My mom is in this whole health craze so I decided to join her though at a less extreme level.

       She usually makes a meal for herself that consists of something a bit more on the healthy side, so now she made it for two. We had 3 "meals" a day as opposed to my regular lunch and dinner. For our breakfast all she allowed me to eat was a bowl of oatmeal (made with water, eww...), a fruit, and a glass of carrot juice. This was before school and usually I don't eat breakfast so this was a bit of a change for me, a change that paid off. In school I feel really hungry and lose my attention quite easily because all I'm worried about is eating. Today however I felt that I didn't need food and when lunch came around I didn't have much of an appetite. After school we had our lunch which was grilled chicken breast and mixed veggies. I don't mind vegetables, I love them, and chicken is only second to a hearty piece of meat so this meal I didn't mind. When it came to dinner however I started to get uneasy. My mom is big on soy, ever since she was a small girl living in Mexico she says she lived off of cactus and soy. So she made some more veggies and then some soy... I labeled it fake meat because it looked like a slightly off colored meat, she mixed it in with chorizo to make it easier on me. I was reluctant to try it but when I did it tasted like nothing. All I tasted was the chorizo which was a relief, even though I'm not a fan of chorizo either. 

       I guess in the end I lied to myself because I'm sure one meal wouldn't make a difference but I can see my abs coming in already... not. This is probably a long term thing that I hope I can continue but with a slightly altered diet, one that I will feel comfortable eating. 

*Allusion

The best things in life are free/ But you can keep them for the birds and bees/ Now give me money/ That's what I want...

You know what capitalism is? Getting f*&%ed- Scarface

       One thing I wanted to do is indulge myself in the material world. As I mentioned before I'm pretty cheap so I decided to try to break that trend and buy myself a few things. I found myself being really conscious about the money I was spending, constantly telling myself, *"have you no shame?" because I really wasn't used to spending money on the small things like shoes and the like, and here I was standing at the register not being able to decide if I should cry or be happy because I was going to buy shoes that I've been eyeing for a while now. In the end, I felt way better than I thought I was going to. 

       I really didn't have much money going in, but I spent it all and bought myself some pretty neat things like the shoes, or at least I thought they were. My brothers were giving me their two cents about them but I just brushed it off and labeled it as them being jealous so as to not kill my happiness. I spent my summer savings in about an hour which probably would've made me sad but I think because I had the mindset of doing it to make myself happy it didn't faze me. 

Afterward, I was in such a good mood that I bought everyone some coffee, something reserved for those who have a job, so when I pulled out my wallet and handed the lady my card everyone looked quite surprised, I felt good. Of course after realizing the rare opportunity before them everyone they decided to further drain me of my money and added on a dozen donuts to our order. In the end though I think spending the money I had was a good thing, because it truly did make me feel happy, I should probably wait until I'm rolling in the big bucks to really go out and get the things I want, but I also hope to not get to entranced in this sort of luxury because it really isn't that great of a thing to get tied up with material objects.

*Rhetorical Quest.

All aboard The Happiness Roller Coaster...

*“The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story!” –Gladiator
       
       Over the past few days I’ve noticed that I am a very unhappy person. Like this quote from one of my favorite films, Gladiator, I found myself being on top of the world in one moment and in the next I’m as low as a slave. The root of my unhappiness, unfortunately, comes from my family. They don’t directly make me unhappy, but it’s more of what they expect from me that just plain stresses me out and causes my unhappiness. I identify myself in a song by Pink Floyd called Mother where it says,

“Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm”

       In essence the song is about a mother who because of losing her husband in a war becomes overly protective of her only son. I feel like the child in the song because my mother is always setting higher and higher expectations for me that I wish I could just escape. My brothers for the most part are screw ups which is probably why she wants me to succeed so much. I figure that in a way she’s showing her maternalistic side by trying to keep me safe and out of trouble, but I feel that in order to fully develop as productive individuals we need to face danger and stare it straight in the face as it helps us to develop character and individualism. So basically the fact that I’m so restricted by my family is what makes me unhappy. My direction for the coming days will probably be to separate myself from my family and the expectations they hold for me, at least briefly, I want to indulge in what I like to do, things that I haven’t had time to practice. Basically I want to spend time with myself, solace of solitude… 

       Through my unhappiness I found that there are few things that induce happiness for me. I'm a very introvertive person and so being in my own company makes me happy. Another thing that I noticed that makes me happy is shopping, -what a fruit...- it's really a bittersweet thing because while I love to shop I hate spending money, partly because I have so little of it and I hate asking my parents for it but also because I'm just a plain cheapskate. My mom makes this aware every time we go out to buy stuff and I always joke around that my kids are going to suffer because they're only going to have the bare essentials, maybe even less. That's another thing that makes me happy, comedy. Who doesn't at least appreciate comedy? I love watching T.V shows and movies because I always get a good laugh out of them and I involve myself so much that I forget about the world for those forty minutes. I guess my plan is really to find more time for myself.

*anadiplosis